Gay vs OCD

GAY

I adore Wentworth Miller whether hes gay or not and I know as a Christian I will face judgement on me by saying this but as a Christian I believe we are to love we are to open our heart and our arms to everyone if you see a drug addict instead of judging think what was it that brought them there. I am so exhausted with what perception we are to carry I know what scripture says about homosexuals but I also know what scripture says that God is the judger not us. In my past I was homophobic but really what was I phobic of? Many children/teens take their life over this so open your heart to their pain and how scared they must feel let only God be the judge. I am posting this because I want people to not judge God by peoples actions and to trust that God hears you and loves you despite what others tell you! Your life is a gift so live it and know that you are loved.

OCD

Growing up in a rough childhood where my father uses me as a his own game at torture to make me face my fears in the worst ways possible.  You struggle in your deepest fears wondering when your father will make them real, I felt like I was in a prison.  When the truth came out I was free from his prison but not my own.  The anxiety was so real so overwhelming that trust was impossible to give.  I wrote a book about what that prison was like and allowed only one person to read it someone very special to me a gift from God she was.  Not long before my 20th Birthday she took her life in a way where images can never be erased, she took a part of me that night.  At 22 years old I was diagnosed with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) its a battle in your thoughts how to ignore them how to stop them.  I wanted to die I didnt want to face this battle in knowing who could ever love me I am a freak.  I  came close to wanting to take my life but I could not put my family through the pain I was already enduring from my loved ones passing.  I think being gay and ocd are both battles of the mind I was born a boy yet I am attracted to boys that in itself must be scary until you can come to terms of who you are and when you do there is fear of rejection.  When I was homophobic  I never made that known to anyone gay  but doesnt change the judgement in my heart.  I came across how badly gay soilders were treated espeially at their funerals and kids/teens being bullied to the point they take their life and I just dont want to ever be the cause or part of that side.  Not everyone understands ocd and its often joked about in tv shows and it burns because I live that battle and the same goes for gay people so I decided to accept everyone for who they are, to love with unconditional love.  Wentworth is a huge factor in my change of heart my reasonings to not want to be on the judgement side.  When I first saw his face I knew there was something different about him and I could not figure out what is was it overwhelmed me like I could see his soul and I asked God why does he have such a strong hold over me then I read his story and as tears streamed down my face I realised why, he lives the battle of the mind he knows the pain and yet he became stronger I will always love him and hold him dear to my heart for showing me that Gay people suffer in their own battle of the mind until they can become strong and confident in who they are.  I may be diagnosed with ocd but it does not proclaim who I am, how I live my life does,  I want to extend my deepest apologies for my past judgements you deserve to be loved regardless we are all Gods children he is our judge the only judge. 

Love Always, Nanny Tanja 

Day Before Surgery

Day Before Surgery

This blog will keep you updated for those that care <3 So tomorrow I am having deviated septum surgery and throat surgery.  The throat surgery will alloow me to sing again and talk without a hoarse voice all the time it will be nice to sound more like a woman.  My deviated septum is broken so they need to break bones to fix bones weird I know but he is the ENT not me.  I will be heavily sedated on pain killers so if I don't updates this page for a few days please don't worry.  I have been waiting a long time to fix my sinuses and throat I am not looking forward to the pain but its worth not having twenty sinus infections a year.  It means allot you care to follow this blog.  Blessings, Tanja

Christmas In Bed

When you think of Christmas what do you think? Last Christmas I was bed ridden from a slipped disc I was on strong pain killers given by IV and Injections by a pain specialist until I chose chiropractic care for a more natural healing.  This year I spent Christmas in bed from vertigo an inner ear health issue.  The thought of Christmas food made me nauseous, be able to sit or stand would be the greatest gift for my Christmas.  I used whatever energy I had and balance to make a ginger bread house with my niece and spend time with her and my nephew.  This year I am going to make changes to my health.  I will start by losing weight to ease the pressure off my lower spine, I will stop buying pre made foods and make it myself as I have done the last two months.  I will go see a ear specialist and see what is causing vertigo and that its not damaging my hearing.  I will update my blog with medical results.  I want to end my blog with this; even though most of my Christmas was spent in bed I was very blessed to be with my family to have a home to celebrate in and a bottle full of ginger gravol.  The greatest gift I received this Christmas was when my niece came into my room laid next to me in my bed and sang "Away in the Manger" and then she said before she left "Aunty Tanja I love you bunches and bunches and bunches" It may have been Christmas in bed but it still was a great Christmas.

Love Always, Nanny Tanja

Introduction

Hi my name is Tanja and I am new to blogging so I guess I will start my new post by describing what my blogs are about.  Well as you can see by my name I am a nanny, well actually I am a daytime nanny and work from my own home.  I take care of three beautiful children, two boys who are brothers.  Levee will be 1 year old this coming Wednesday and his big brother Leems is 3 years old.  I also have a little girl from a different family her name is Kay and is 19 months old.  As you can see I use nick names for them and not their real names because this may be my blog but its on the internet and you must always be safe and cautious.  Generally our days start with the play center then we come home for lunch take their naps and do activities until their parents pick them up.  We also go on special adventures which the kids just love.  Being a nanny is a gift, for you to do it everyday and enjoy yourself it must be a gift to you or you will go insane :) Children have always been very precious to me  especially sick children who cannot live a normal childhood because they could die or not strong enough which leads me to tell you about my ministry.  Loyal Lamb Outreach was started by myself in 2003 to reach out to families around the world suffering with grief, fear, exhaustion from watching their kids suffer.  It also spreads awareness of the many childhood diseases out there that we must be aware of so we can fight it and find a cure so our children can live.  I have been asked so many times "How Do You Cope" well it is certainly not easy to see these many children suffer however if I can bring one smile to one child or one moment of peace to a suffering parent then its worth that sadness that overcomes me.  Time and time again I have a good cry and continue the ministry God has put upon my heart.

My blogs will consist of my days with the kids, my personal struggles and paths the Lord leads me on.  Lets start with a little about who I am.  I am a 31 year old Christian female, I was living on my own but became so lonely so I moved back home after my ex fiance and I broke up in 2004.  I live with my mom and sister.  My very best friend is my husky x Moses he brings me such joy, he is a major suck and I adore him so much.  I took a break from music ministry as I had a negative experience at a church but I know with God's guidance He will lead me back to it.  My dream is to sing in the theater with a large symphony behind me and just bringing the powerful sound together, I want to be the female version of Josh Groban is the best example.  Its a gift to have that opportunity.  I love photography it so amazing to me that many years down the road you can physically see that memory on paper, its a special gift.

I am a survivor of a child abuse from my father who I have not spoken to since age 16.  I have let go of the torture and beatings he put me through because hanging on to that allows him to win and I cannot give him that.  I have lost many loved ones even younger then myself but I continue to focus on God's walk.  I also deal with a anxiety disorder called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and it amazes me how strong my faith is in God to overcome it and live a normal life, the stories I hear break my heart but they can overcome.

I think this should be a start to get to know me, feel free to share with me I love making new friends all around the world.  Until then God Bless, Nanny Tanja