GAY
I adore Wentworth Miller whether hes gay or not and I know as a Christian I will face judgement on me by saying this but as a Christian I believe we are to love we are to open our heart and our arms to everyone if you see a drug addict instead of judging think what was it that brought them there. I am so exhausted with what perception we are to carry I know what scripture says about homosexuals but I also know what scripture says that God is the judger not us. In my past I was homophobic but really what was I phobic of? Many children/teens take their life over this so open your heart to their pain and how scared they must feel let only God be the judge. I am posting this because I want people to not judge God by peoples actions and to trust that God hears you and loves you despite what others tell you! Your life is a gift so live it and know that you are loved.
OCD
Growing up in a rough childhood where my father uses me as a his own game at torture to make me face my fears in the worst ways possible. You struggle in your deepest fears wondering when your father will make them real, I felt like I was in a prison. When the truth came out I was free from his prison but not my own. The anxiety was so real so overwhelming that trust was impossible to give. I wrote a book about what that prison was like and allowed only one person to read it someone very special to me a gift from God she was. Not long before my 20th Birthday she took her life in a way where images can never be erased, she took a part of me that night. At 22 years old I was diagnosed with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) its a battle in your thoughts how to ignore them how to stop them. I wanted to die I didnt want to face this battle in knowing who could ever love me I am a freak. I came close to wanting to take my life but I could not put my family through the pain I was already enduring from my loved ones passing. I think being gay and ocd are both battles of the mind I was born a boy yet I am attracted to boys that in itself must be scary until you can come to terms of who you are and when you do there is fear of rejection. When I was homophobic I never made that known to anyone gay but doesnt change the judgement in my heart. I came across how badly gay soilders were treated espeially at their funerals and kids/teens being bullied to the point they take their life and I just dont want to ever be the cause or part of that side. Not everyone understands ocd and its often joked about in tv shows and it burns because I live that battle and the same goes for gay people so I decided to accept everyone for who they are, to love with unconditional love. Wentworth is a huge factor in my change of heart my reasonings to not want to be on the judgement side. When I first saw his face I knew there was something different about him and I could not figure out what is was it overwhelmed me like I could see his soul and I asked God why does he have such a strong hold over me then I read his story and as tears streamed down my face I realised why, he lives the battle of the mind he knows the pain and yet he became stronger I will always love him and hold him dear to my heart for showing me that Gay people suffer in their own battle of the mind until they can become strong and confident in who they are. I may be diagnosed with ocd but it does not proclaim who I am, how I live my life does, I want to extend my deepest apologies for my past judgements you deserve to be loved regardless we are all Gods children he is our judge the only judge.
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